Time Immemorial
by technofever
Summary: As Rose follows her heart to kill the man she loves, she not only finds herself closer to Dimitri's past, but unexpectedly finds herself coming closer to her own. Some SK spoilers.
1. Chapter 1

Ok, I was pretty much just walking one day, and I couldn't help but think about VA because it was snowing (where I'm from), and the trees were so pretty and white, and it was just a long quiet walk. It kind of made me think of Rose, while on her journey to find Dimitri, through the vast, wintery Russia. And that is where I got my inspiration, i guess?

Now trust me, I've never finished a story and I can be a disappointment when it comes to updating :) So you're warned.  
**  
Disclaimer: **not mine. Richelle Mead's.

* * *

It's been months...days.

But it felt like years..._forever_.

I lost track of everything; the days, my appearance, my sanity, _everything_. Because, the day I dropped out and walked free from the confinements of those iron gates, I only had one track in mind. _I've got to help him_.

It pained me to think of the truth in those words, because I wasn't really going to _help _him. I was going to... kill him.

I knew then, and I know now, that it was going to be a difficult task. It wasn't the fact that I was getting a lot of practice on the Strigoi, that would always seem to sneak up and try to end my life somehow, but the fact that every time I walked away from a new kill, it made me realize that I was still alive for a_ reason_, and that meant, I had to keep going.

The difference was though, that I knew nothing of those Strigoi before I took , somewhat, of their life from them.

With.._him_, It felt like I saw his whole life behind these eyes, I've felt his life beneath my touch and I lost his life when...  
I couldn't think it.

I hugged my coat tighter to my body, as the wind gusted like it felt my pain, and needed to torture me even more than I was already.

I always knew that Russia was an arctic wasteland, but I never knew why he had missed it so much, until I came here.

It felt like everything that reminded me of him, was just thrown at my face at once.

The warm smiles of the people-- albeit the cold weather, the russian accents that I would hear as I asked nearby people where the next train was, the old-fashioned buildings that stood tall... it all just reminded me of one person.

As I continued to walk past these buildings, I decided that I was hungry. I found a small restaurant, where not many people were eating, but enough that I had the impression that the food was decent.

I stopped myself short, as I caught sight of the reflection of an eighteen year old girl in the glass window with rough hair, dark skin, and dark eyes. She looked like she had been through a lot. And she had.  
It was _me_.

I hadn't had the chance to look at my reflection much, since I left the academy. So I ran one hand through my hair, thinking that that one hand could solve my problem. I gave up and went inside.

I seated myself at a table. A pretty woman who looked in her mid twenties, approached my table with a nice smile and a paper and pen in hand.

"_Privet_" she greeted. I was so accustomed to hearing that these days that I figured it was hello in Russian.

"_Privet_, " I answered.

She must have figured I was american because she tried her best to speak english.

"Woulds you like umm... dreenk? "

I smiled at her attempt, "I'll just have water, please"

"Ah yes, ok. " She turned on her heel so briskly as to leave me at once, but halted before taking another step , as she remembered something.

"Oh, I forget, here is menu." she handed me the menu, and turned to once again leave so quickly that regardless of whether she has been working there for years, it was still pretty quick for somebody of her appearance.

I already knew what I wanted so I turned to look out the glass window, envying the people as they walked by. I watched as these people strode down the streets, looking like they knew where they were going, and noticing that somehow, each and every one of them seemed to have a happy air to them . I envied that.

Before I could ponder more, the kind waitress was back in no time with my water.

"Woulds you know what you would like, _pud'rooga_?" I was guessing that was something along the lines of "friend", because the way she said it seemed like I was a long time friend, just visiting her home.

I gave her my order and she quickly turned to leave again, but I stopped her this time. She was surprised when I called out, but then smiled a genuine smile.

"Sorry, if you don't mind me asking..." I was looking for a name tag, but apparently she didn't have one.

"Nadezhda " She said it like nah-DYEZH-dah, but I was afraid to even repeat that in case of insulting her. She read my hesitation.

"But Nadya it is what they calling me. You are having a concern?"

"Oh, no no. It 's just.." I paused, moving all my hair to one side as I tried to put my question together without looking idiotic. It reminded me of another time that I had to ask this type of question, and I had felt like an idiot at that time too. That memory felt so distant.

She looked at my bare neck, noticing something, then answered my unfinished question.

"Yes, _pud'rooga_. I am dhampir. "

* * *

Nadezhda is an actual common Russian name and Nadya is the actual nickname. and yess I looked it up. :)

**time immemorial**  
-noun.  
long past, beyond memory or record.

That's what the title means.

thanks for reading, please review :)


	2. Chapter 2

This chapter was pretty long. Well I think so.  
Anyways, this was the fastest I've ever updated so *clap clap* :) Enjoyy, and it's not really an interesting or eventful chapter, just.. sweet/sad  
Tell me what you think and sorry for grammar mistakes, I didn't read over.

**Disclaimer: **Richelle Mead pwns.

* * *

I never would have thought she was dhampir. Although, she is attractive, curvy even, and I admit she's faster than most humans. Well now that I think about it, she had every dhampir feature... except she wasn't a guardian.

She noticed me analyzing her, and maybe even felt uncomfortable under my stare, but she was too kind to say anything. I opened my mouth to excuse my rudeness, but someone cut me off.

"Nadya! " We both turned to look behind her to see who had interrupted us. It was one of the other staff members, probably to remind her that she was still on her shift.

"Sorry, I will be back with your food immediately, and then later we can talk, okay?" She told me earnestly and even touched my arm gently before leaving quickly once again, to retrieve my food.

While I waited for her to come back, which I knew would be in any minute, I couldn't help but wonder what her reason was for not becoming a guardian? It made me think of Ambrose, who I had met at the Moroi Court. He was one of the few that didn't believe in protecting the Moroi and had decided to work instead, as a personal masseuse for the Queen.

As I knew it, Nadya was back with my food, I could just smell the hamburger and fries while she walked quickly towards me. I was thankful for her speed, because I suddenly heard my stomach grumbling.

She placed my food in front of me and then looked around the restaurant. When she noticed that it wasn't too busy, she decided to sit down in the seat across from me.

I took a few bites from my hamburger, and offered her some fries, but she just smiled and shook her head. After a few silences more, she finally decided that my mouth wasn't too full to answer anymore.

"So, what is it your name? " I swear, that smile never left her face, she was like an angel or something.

"Oh, umm.. Rosemarie" I said as I wiped my fingers on a napkin, "But they call me Rose."

She laughed at me mimicking her earlier, because I had done the same thing she had done when I asked of her name. She had given me her full name, which was a mouthful, but then quickly added her nickname, which I was thankful for.

She then sighed, " Ah, Roza. I have heard that name before, it is very beautiful name. "

I should have smiled back at her, like the countless times that she had given me a warm smile, even in the short amount of time I had known her. Or I should have atleast thanked her for the compliment.  
But something about the way she said my name, was just to painful to pass.

I looked away from her, and out the window again. She was a stranger, I barely even knew her, she didn't deserve to see me weak.  
What had happened to me? I _never_ used to cry, let alone in front of a stranger. But then again, I never lost anyone I loved before.

"What is it pud'rooga? Did I upset you with what I say? " She asked with true concern. She almost acted as if she were a mother, comforting her child, but we were practically the same age. I decided that she probably had her own problems, and I wasn't going to burden her with mine.

I wiped my eyes before they would form more traitor tears, and changed the subject.

"Nadya?... If you're a dhampir, how come you didn't become a guardian? " I said as I continued to watch the people walking by in the window, still embarassed to look her in the face.

"It is a very long story, you see" She paused, thinking of her words, " But I guess it is I can say that, my family is needing me first, so I put their life before anything. "

I guess it was only strange to hear that a dhampir had put their family first before a Moroi, was because I never had the luxury of doing so. Lissa had always been my priority and I had always put her first before anything... well that is, before recently.

"That's very...kind of you" I decided to say.

"I know it sounds a bit, what is it they say? " I felt bad that I had to make her speak english, I could tell she was trying, " ..Selfish of me, but sometimes you have to decide when to put you or your family first."

I became speechless. If she had said anything after that, I didn't hear it.  
It was like he was talking to me all over again. Like we were in the candle lit chapel as he held me in his arms, telling me that they didn't always come first.

"_Sometimes, Rose, you have to know when to put yourself first." _His voice rang through my head.

And that was what I was doing, I wasn't just thinking of others, I was thinking of myself too. But those words pained me, because I had not only abandoned Dimitri on that unfaithful day, but I had also abandoned the only other person that I had loved, _Lissa. _

It felt weird to think her name, it was like I was saying it a loud but it felt foreign to my tongue. Like I said, I hadn't had much time to think about anything since I had left the academy, because these past months have just been an endless journey to survive; killing strigoi, barely surviving and going on with my search to nowhere.

I felt a warm hand on top of mine, brushing it gently, as I forced my eyes to focus out the window, as to stay dry.  
Nadya was being nice to me, and I didn't deserve it. I was unworthy of kindness, after what I've done in the past.

"Rose..." I turned my head to finally look at her. She still had a smile on her face, but her brows showed sympathy and concern, for whatever reason she did not know of, but they did anyways.

She continued, "How is it that you end up in Russia? I can see you are very young, yet on your neck, it is _molnija_ marks and a... Star, that one I do not seem to recognize " She questioned herself, "But, you are a guardian, am I right? Are you guarding someone here in Russia?"

I shook my head, as I looked down at my forgotten meal that was probably already cold by now.

"I left her behind, because I had to do this" I sighed, " I promised him. "

I knew that what I was saying made no sense to her because she didn't know who "her" was or who "he" was, but she understood my sadness nonetheless.

"And that is why you are looking like you are sad when I said that you should know when to put you or your family first? Because you had put yourself first?"

I nodded. Not because I was afraid my voice would fail me, but because she was dead on.

"Look, I know that I just met you and that you should be working right now" I looked around at the few people still eating their meals, it wasn't too busy but I still felt bad for keeping her, "so I'm sorry if I'm keeping you from doing your job. It was nice to talk to someone for once, but I think I'll be just fine."

"Roza, you are not doing anything of the such, " She once again started rubbing my hand soothingly, " But I am almost done my shift soon, would you like to come over to my house for a little bit to talk more? Only if it is what you like."

I knew that I would fall behind on my mission if I stopped to hang out with Nadya, and who knows where she could be taking me if I obliged. But something about her, made me want to talk to her more. She had a kind heart and she understood me so much, it kind of reminded me of being with Lissa-- before everything got so complicated and I stopped telling her things.

"Sure, I have nothing to lose" And it was true, I didn't.

"But, there is one thing..." She stopped to look at me in the eyes, waiting for a signal to let her continue.

"I live in dhampir community. "

* * *

So did you guys read Nadya's lines with a Russian accent in your head? don't even lie :) Because if you didn't, it just sounds like bad english if you read it normally, ahah.  
Anyways, whenever I review on other people's stories and they give me a shoutout I always feel good, I'm like " HEY THAT's ME " so I'm just going to thank the first few people that reviewed me, so that maybe you can be like " HEY THAT'S ME!" .. too :)

**dia222**: First reviewer, thanks!

**blah248**: thanks!, and there will be more :)

**soulstealer247**: I noticed that you reviewed both my stories, thanks for the support haha

**babylopez2008**: yup I warned you, but surprisingly I updated fast. This is probably going to be the last time though lol

**LaLaLovely47**: Thanks for pointing out my mistake, hopefully now, for those who didn't give me the benefit of the doubt will check back and be like, "aww I should have read it even though Rose wasn't capitalized, and then maybe I could have gotten a shoutout..." Right? right?.. haha just kidding. I doubt that. Anyways, thanks.

**Lusica Rayne**: Thankssssss, hopefully it is a fun read:)

OK that's all,  
_technofever_ =)


	3. Chapter 3

**yup yup, its been a while...but I warned you guys :P  
So yeah, in this chapter we find out more about Nadya.  
Oh and I reread parts of SK, and a small idea kinda sprung to me, which I'm kind of surprised no one has thought  
of yet. (in the form of fanfiction) I can't really say what/when exactly? but stay with me & you'll see.**

**Disclaimer: **not mine :) Richelle Mead's.

* * *

Back when Lissa and I had been captured and brought back to the academy, some of the students had somehow found out that in order for Lissa to get her dose of blood, she had fed off of me. And I got judged for it.

I had been called names such as _blood whore_ or _dhampir slut_, or whatever name they could possibly come up with.

Sometimes I even wondered what living in a dhampir community would be like.

I knew I never wanted to _live_ in one, and I knew I would never _have_ to because, well, I was going to become Lissa's guardian.

I had had harsh thoughts about the women that lived in dhampir communities, but that changed when _Dimitri_ came along and told me what it felt like to actually grow up around one.

But 8 months ago, if somebody told me that I would ever end up in a dhampir community, I would have never believed it and my fist would probably have ended up in that person's face, receiving a major black eye from Rose Hathaway.

I internally gave a smug smile as I thought of this.

We were already on the train, on our way to... Nadya's place.

When she told me that she lived in a dhampir community, I wasn't so much expecting it but I already knew that if a dhampir didn't become a guardian they either hid from the face of the earth, or lived in dhampir communities.

My thoughts began to turn into curiosity.

What did Nadya do while she wasn't working at the restaurant? Was she a _bloodwhore _too? I felt guilty for the second thought, but I was still curious to know.

I used my peripherals, quickly shifting my eyes to her neck, while she sat perfectly content beside me in the packed train. Well, she definately didn't have any bite marks.

"Come, we are getting off soon." She said as she began to stand up.

We hopped off the train, and I was instantly reminded of how cold it was here.

Nadya started walking towards a path that lead to a forest of snowy trees and I followed her, our quick paces matching one another.

"So, is it just you and your mother living together? " I decided to ask.

"No, I have a sister younger than me," she paused and looked at me, " and a little younger than you too. "

"Did you know your father? "

I sensed her uneasiness at the question, thinking that maybe he was one of those Moroi men that took advantage of her mother, but before I could continue that thought, she quickly regained herself and answered the question.

"Yes...but he is dead now."

"Oh," was the smartest thing I could say.

For some strange reason, she held a sad expression as if she was remembering her father, which was rare because most Moroi men that had children with dhampir women, didn't get too attached and would only visit every so often.

"Did you know him very well? "

She sighed, "It is sta-range I know, but yes, I knew him," she smiled in my direction and then turned her head back on our trail ahead.

"My mother was a guardian once, " She knew she'd surprise me with that, so she just smiled and continued, "my father and my mother fell in love, and he asked her to be his guardian, and she accepted his offer.

He was very kind to her, even though he is a Moroi man. So, they had me, and then they had my little sister, Nina. "

"Did you guys like, live as a family?" the pitch in my voice became higher as my shock registered.

" I guess it is you can say like that. But, there were many others who lived in that house, like the servants and maids; so it is not only my family there."

I simply nodded. I've never heard of a case where a Moroi man let his dhampir family stay in his house.

"My mother was a very good guardian. She even taught me some moves that a 13 year old would never think to learn. She made me practice every day with her. Until.."

As she was retelling her story to me, I was brushing the snow off my shoulder that the wind had blown from the trees, but instantly stopped when she came to the sad part of her story, I assumed.

"What happened? " I whispered, hoping that I wasn't pushing her, but merely encourageing her.

"There was an attack at the house." I didn't need her to tell me who had attacked, because I knew exactly what kind of _creatures_ would attack an innocent home. I unexpectedly felt sick thinking about those undead creatures, that took the life of her father. He seemed so nice and kind to her family, despite them being dhampirs.

"My mother hid me and my sister as soon as she heard screaming downstairs from the servants. But when she was about to open the door, it had been too late.

My father had been turned strigoi, and he was so quick...and so... " I saw her eyes glaze over but then she blinked , and like before, recomposed herself.

"My mother struggled to fight my father, because she had been his protector, and she had loved him... but he was the enemy. " I was surprised by all the details she had given me, as if she were standing beside them, watching.

"She was ready to stake him, but you can tell that she is hurting. He took notice of it, and used his strength to twist her right leg. She screamed in pain and let go of the stake by accident and then he pinned her to the ground. " She sighed, before continuing her painful memory, as my stomach began to twist at the thought of her mother killing her lover.

"In a few seconds, my mother might have become one of _them..._but I ran out of the closet, and picked up the stake and --" She stopped. She looked up at the now darkened sky, that quickly changed while we walked through the forest path.

I knew the ending to the story without her having to say it a loud. My stomach continued to twist. I didn't know if it was from hearing that she had had to kill her own father or if it was the fact that he had turned---

As if saying the word a loud, my clenched stomach heightened and I suddenly felt nauseous.

I immediately turned to pull Nadya but she gave out a quick gasp as a strigoi grabbed her by the hair and pulled her into a headlock.

The strigoi was a male of about 5'7, with black hair and strong features. He was smiling an evil smile as he tilted her head by pulling her hair and I saw the terror in Nadya's eyes.

"Don't you dare." I growled in my most ferocious voice, stake ready in hand.

"Or else what? You'll hurt me?" He taunted me as he smiled a large grin and moved his face closer to her neck. She let out another terrified gasp.

I already knew what I was going to do. I was going to fake to the right and then quickly lunge for him so that he would let go of Nadya and I would stake him by surprise. But what I didn't know was what happened next.

Nadya moved her head forward, and so swiftly and with so much strength, threw it backwards into the strigoi's face. Both he and I did not expect that, especially how strong of a blow she had given him, but before she let him recover she took a good grip on his arm, that was still holding her in a chokehold, twisted it and yelled "Rose!", all at the same time.

She moved out of the way just in time, as I went for the heart and staked him. We watched as he yelled in pain, only for a few minutes before Nadya quickly took me out of my reverie and pulled my arm hastily towards the path.

We were out of the forest, and after another short path, we were in front of a gate that held a community of houses.

The houses were so ordinary looking, and it surprisingly reminded me of a typical neighbourhood, except for the small sign in front of the gate that read "dhampir."

But that's not what I couldn't stop staring at.

My mouth couldn't seem to close as I looked at Nadya with a brand new admiration. She was reaching into her bag nonchalantly, looking for her key to the gate, as if a strigoi hadn't just threatened her life and that she hadn't just kicked its ass.

What exactly had just happened?

* * *

**badass Nadya? I think not ! haha  
WELL... thanks for reading, review as you wish. **

**oh and thanks for the reviews so far :)  
please don't hype it up too much, I'm kind of scared I might let you guys down  
later on if it doesn't turn out to be what you expected ..anyways thanks!**


	4. Chapter 4

happy new years :)  
I haven't posted in so lonngggg  
I had the chapter ready for a while now.. it's just I was having trouble with posting it because I'm not too proud of it? Don't ask me why, i'm just not :S  
Anyways.. I have the next chapter ready since I feel bad for the big hold up.. enjoy :)

**Disclaimer**: Richelle Mead's .

* * *

" ..are you?" I heard Nadya say while holding the gate open.

I finally closed my mouth and scratched my head, feeling slightly embarassed.

"Am I what? " Then I remembered where I was.

"Are you going to come in, or would you prefer it if you stay out there?"

I shook my head and proceeded through the gate that she now held opened for me.

This place really didn't fit the image that I had in mind. It was like... like any other neighbourhood. It kind of even looked like the neighbourhood that me and Lissa had stayed in for about two years when we ran away, except there were no apartments; they were all town houses, and all identical.

I half expected to see Moroi men walking around with dhampirs dressed in short skirts and skimpy tops, but it was nothing like that. In fact it was pretty quiet in the neighbourhood.

Tall lamps lit the pathways and most of the lights in the homes were on too, which gave me an unexpectedly feeling that I hadn't felt in a long time; _comfort_. I sensed it in Nadya too, because her shoulders became relaxed and she was now walking with a slower pace.

We made a right and then walked past another three identical townhouses before she stopped and opened the door to the third house, without hesitation.

"We never lock the door you see," she said as we entered her home. "In fact, nobody in this neighbourhood does."

"What? Why not?" I was startled. I couldn't imagine people just coming in my house randomly. Let alone burglars, or stalkers, or....strigoi.

"We know everybody in the neighbourhood, and everybody in the neighbourhood knows us," She replied, while taking my jacket from my hands.

"But what about strigoi? " I questioned, " Aren't you afraid that they might --"

"There has never been a strigoi attack in our community," she said solemnly, cutting me off. "And please do not mention that word around my... mother, she is still a bit, sensitive to you know, my... my father."

I nodded, understanding completely.

She then led me down a hallway, where I could hear sounds coming from a television in the room we were headed to.

As soon as we entered the living room, my natural insticts kicked in and I began to automatically survey it. There was a large beige couch that occupied the middle of the living room and was facing away us and towards the television, where some cop show was playing. A matching coloured love seat sat adjacent to the couch with some sort of stick laying on it, and in front of that was a chestnut brown coffee table in the middle, to match their furniture. The lamp in the corner was on dim, but with my dhampir senses I was still able to see the coziness of her living room and hear a light breathing coming from the other side of the couch. _Breathing? _

"Mama?" Nadya called out from where we stopped in the doorframe.

Her mother was apparently sleeping when we had entered because she got up very slowly with her eyes half open, stifling up a yawn.

"Nadya?"

"Yes mama" she answered. "I'm here with a friend, Rosemarie."

She started to get up but Nadya noticed her struggling and said, " It's okay mama, just stay, we'll come there." And like Nadya so numerously did, her mother just looked over to me and smiled.

I followed Nadya to the side of the couch where I could now get a full view of her mother in the light. She had straight dark brown hair that went to her shoulders, with matching brown eyes and very light skin, especially for a dhampir. I assumed that she didn't get out much.

She didn't appear to be that much older than my mother, but her eyes told another story.

"Privet," I greeted her first.

"Pri-" her eyes lit up when she saw my face more clearly in the light, "..vet."

She looked over to Nadya and then back at me, and smiled once more.

"Come, come. Sit" she said, pushing over to the opposite end of the couch.

"Mama, this is Roza." she said as she sat down on the love seat, leaving me to sit beside her mother. "And that is my mother Marya" (**A/N**: said like _Maria_, just spelt differently, k? KAY. )

"It is pleasure to meet you," she picked up the remote and put the volume down.

"Are you new to Siberia?"

"Oh, I-"

"No, she is travelling. She is staying the night here though, right Rose?" She looked over to me and nodded encouragingly.

I couldn't say no in front of her mother, and after all, it _was_ getting pretty dark outside which probably wasn't the safest to be travelling, so I just nodded back.

"Go call Nina. Tell her we have our guest, Roza to sleep in her room tonight... Go."

"Umm I just.. I can sleep on the couch. I don't mind." I shot Nadya pleading eyes.

"Are you sure? " Nadya asked.

"Yeah. I probably should be leaving early in the morning anyways, and if I'm in a comfortable bed, who knows when I'd leave." They laughed at that.

"Ok, ok. I leave you two. " Marya said, placing the remote back on the table. "Rose, can you pass me that please?"

She pointed to the stick laying beside me that I had spotted earlier in my surveying. I quickly handed it over to Nadya, who passed it to her mother.

I then realized what it was for. It was her cane. I remembered what Nadya had told me about her father, when he had turned Strigoi he had twisted her mother's right leg during her struggle to kill him.

I glanced at her right leg that I hadn't noticed until then, since she was standing up now. It appeared to have nothing wrong with it, except for her having a noticeable limp.

She must have seen me looking but she turned around with a warm smile once she was at the doorframe and said, "Goodnight Rose. I do hope you won't leave too early tomorrow, but if you are gone before I wake, please have yourself a safe travelling."

And with that she left the room. If I wasn't wrong, I think I heard her mutter something in russian before leaving, but Nadya didn't seem to notice so I pretended I didn't either.

"So, since when did we agree that I was staying over ?" I joked.

"Oh, sorry about that Rose. " She actually looked appologetic. I was just joking?

"When we saw that....I didn't think..." She stumbled on her words. "It is not safe." She finally said.

I already knew that, but saying it a loud gave me another feeling. I shifted on the couch, making myself more comfortable.

After sitting there just watching some show on cops in a comfortable silence Nadya finally asked, "Would you like something to eat, Rose? "

"No thanks." I felt too exhausted to eat at the moment.

"I am going to make some food, I have not eaten, is that okay?"

I just nodded in response. After she left to go to the kitchen and retrieve her food, I hadn't realized exactly how exhausted I felt. I curled up on one side, letting my head rest on the arm of the couch, with my hands beneath my head like a pillow.

My eyes began to droop as images of some criminal standing behind bars on the the t.v. began to blur from my vision, and the sounds from the television mushed together until my senses cut them off completely.

I didn't know when I had fallen asleep or If I was actually sleeping, because when my eyes re-opened, everything became so real. In front of me, there was still a criminal standing behind a set of bars. But this time, I recognized the person on the other side.

That disgusting smile lit up his face.

* * *

K so.. I have no idea who is still reading this fic or not.  
I love long reviews and all but honestly I don't mind if you write just like a one word review just to say if you've read it or not  
it could even be like:

"HI."  
or " READ IT. "  
or even "dfgnrkhyf"

SRSLY, i don't care :P

I just want to see if people are still reading it :)  
Cause I know how you guys feel sometimes when you come across a story you're like "oh yeah I'd review that story but I don't know what to write?"  
Don't worry i'm not too picky. hahaha  
so green button it is? OKAY =)


	5. Chapter 5

Don't forget to review:) Remember, i don't care how short the review is.  
"Hi, Read it, nice, bye, sucks?.. " however you like it.

**Edit: sry, i realized i repeated a lot of the same sentences. i hope i fixed all of them.**

**Disclaimer: **Richelle Mead pwns ! don't forget.

_

* * *

_

_What the Hell? _

He saw my confused look, and as always, relished in my state of vulnerability.

"Why hello Rose, long time no see?" His lip curled in an even bigger smile. I shuddered at the image. "But then again, why would you?"

I shot him the most menacing look possible. I could feel the darkness within me resurfacing, but before I could let any of it out, Victor caught me off guard.

"Where is your precious Dimitri? He couldn't come today?"

It felt like I exploded. I sure didn't possess any magic, but I was about ready to break through these bars and suffocate him myself. With all the anger I had pent up inside, I probably would have done more damage to him than when Kenneth, a Moroi who worked with Victor, had tried to suffocate Lissa last fall. But then I realized something.

"You bastard! Where is he!?" I shouted.

He remained calm, with that wrenching smile still plastered on his face. "What do you mean? You don't think I had anything to do with his capture, do you?" He asked innocently, tilting his face closer to the bars.

I threw my hand forward and banged the bars as hard as I could with my palm. He didn't even flinch. " I swear Victor, if you know --"

My words got cut off when I saw Tatiana come from nowhere and walked up behind Victor to put a hand on his shoulder. Her frown increased as she looked down on me.

My eyebrows scrunched up, as I was even more confused than before, and surely the darkness inside me was not helping.

I looked back and fourth from the queen to Victor.

Then it hit me.

My eyes practically bulged out from their sockets remembering Victor's words from last fall replaying in my mind:

"_Do you think Kenneth is the only Moroi who follows me? The greatest and most powerful revolutions often start very quietly, hidden in the shadows." _He eyed me then as he was eyeing me now. _"Remember that." _

Victor must have seen the realization in my eyes because he then gave out a disgusting laugh. After he settled down, he finally said " Look around you Rose, there's no escaping. "

He began to walk away, with Tatiana's hand still resting on his shoulder. All I could do was stare blankly. I stared at the spot that Victor had just been standing in, unable to move. Finally, I looked around more carefully, and noticed that I had been wrong all along.

It hadn't been him on the other side of the bars. It was me.

I fell down to my knees, as a sob escaped my mouth. I grabbed onto the bars with both hands as anger, loneliness and defeat all came crashing down on me. Tears came flowing down my cheeks as I bent my head and leaned it on the bars, feeling helpless.

_Lissa..._how could I have let her down? And _Dimitri..._oh Dimitri, how could he be...gone?

It was like my whole life was slipping through my fingers. It might as well have ended here, in a prison of all places.

I blacked out from all the tears and exhaustion. No doubt, the darkness had finally taken over. I felt numb to everything around me.

I was still clutching onto the bars, as if they were the only strings left holding me together. They were more rough than I remembered, but clutched I remained.

A soft wind brushed the hair off my shoulders and then the smell of roses hit my nose like a brick.

My eyes shot open.

I was no longer clutching onto bars for dear life, but in its place was a huge oak tree. I raised my head to take in my surroundings. I was in a garden.

"Rose..."

I jumped up immediately, reaching for the stake from my pocket but it was nowhere to be found.

Relief washed through me as I took in the sight of Adrian. He must have seen my tear stained cheeks because in two short strides he was in front of me, though hesitation was written all over his face.

He was being considerate of my feelings.

Not having coherent thoughts, I filled in the gap and threw my arms around him. I missed seeing a familiar face.  
After a few moments of realizing this too, he hugged me back.

I pulled back from our embrace not wanting to torture Adrian by leading him on to thinking otherwise.

"It was just a dream..." I whispered more to myself.

"Yes. " He replied, understanding that I was speaking to myself, but decided to answer anyways. " It still is. "

I finally looked into Adrian's eyes, remembering the words from his confession before I had left. Yes, he was still handsome, but he looked like he hadn't slept in so long. Somehow, I couldn't help but feel that it was partially my fault for his awful state.

Looking at Adrian and observing his appearance, I was now curious as to what he was probably seeing in me right now. I knew I didn't look any better.  
I remembered that in past occasions, I had sported short shirts and shorts; things that I wouldn't normally wear. This time, my usual outfit had changed.

I was wearing a white longsleeved shirt with dark jeans and flat shoes. My clothing choices had matured along with me, it had seemed. My hair was in a low ponytail, easily revealing my _molnija_ marks. I reached down to touch my bellybutton. My _nazar_ was still there beneath my shirt, but I noticed that I was no longer wearing the _chotki_. I touched my wrist, feeling the emptiness of it. I closed my eyes shorty, letting out a sigh.

"How..how is she? " I finally asked, not looking Adrian directly in the eye.

The silence was killing me. What was it? Was she alright? Did something happen after I left?

After a few more moments of silence, he finally said "Come Rose, let's take a walk. "

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Yeah, kind of short I noticed.  
Anyways, happy new years again!  
Oh and I'm sorry if I was OOC anywhere.. I'm no expert :)


	6. Chapter 6

sorry guys, it took me a really long time to get my muse back.  
That is what i get for reading a new series of novels :( i'll write the title on my profile of the series that im reading right now in case you want to read them too... since this is strictly VA :)  
anywaysss.. theres not much to this chapter and its super short so dont bash me, _please. _ahha im already aware of its length.  
ooookay, enjoy!

**Disclaimer: Richelle Mead's ! **

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He brought me through the garden, where it seemed like every flower known possible could be found here. The grass was warm beneath my shoes, and it looked well maintained and freshly cut.

The smell of all the flowers in one place gave my nose a tingly feeling, like it was working magic with my emotions. But of course, I couldn't help but remain a bit tense for what Adrian was about to tell me.

We stopped at a bench that was surrounded by flowers, flowers -and more flowers.

I think I just figured out Adrian's fourth drug, if he was counting drinking, smoking and well, me.

He sat down first, with one arm along the top of the bench, crossing his legs in a way only men could pull off. He looked out into the distance.

I crossed my arms over my chest, as I sat down beside him, looking out into the distance with him.

No wonder Adrian found peace here. It was hard not to. Even after all the events that had happened in my, so called _life_, my shoulders seemed to relax a bit and I couldn't help but enjoy the way the sun glowed on my skin and the smell of the flowers lingering in the air.

_If only life were this simple. _

As we sat there in silence I began to think about random things. I noticed a great change in Adrian. He wasn't his usually quirky self. He hadn't even given me one of his dirty remarks yet. Not one. For some reason, I was beginning to miss his old self.

Ironically enough, it was easier to be around the old Adrian than the quiet and composed one because when he was like this, it kind of gave me that weird feeling as if any minute he will go off talking about nonsense and I would just look at him with blank eyes, not understanding what was going through his head.

I decided to break the ice. "You know Adrian, you're really freaking me out these days. You're not smoking in my presence, and I don't smell a single drop of alcohol on you. What's going on?"

Finally breaking contact with whatever he was staring at in the distance he looked over to me and said, " It's okay little dhampir." I guess the old Adrian was back. "No need to worry about me. "

"But tell me, what has the amazing Rose Hathaway been up to? Coming back home anytime soon?" He looked away again, bending down to pick up a flower to twirl between his fingers.

"No," I said thickly. " I can't."

"I see. You can't?" He paused, " Or...you _won't_ ?"

"Both" I replied.

The silence seemed to drag on forever, until I couldn't take it anymore and stood up to touch one of the flowers on a bush nearby. I realized that they were roses.

"She's graduating tomorrow." That caused me to stop what I was doing and let my hand drop to my side, making one of the roses fall out of the bush with the sway of my hand.

Had it really been that long? Was I really in Russia for _two months?_ What happened to all that time? where had it all gone? These questions invaded my thoughts.

I was going to miss her graduation..._my_ graduation.

I swallowed what seemed like dryness stuck in my throat, as I hugged my stomach, not daring to turn around and letting Adrian see my reaction.

"Well, tell her..." What did I want to tell her? Did she even want to hear what I had to say? _I missed her. _That's what I wanted to say, but the words couldn't seem to come out.

As if answering my thoughts he said, " She misses you. A lot."

_Ugh._ Why was this happening? He wasn't supposed to tell me that.

I had told myself from the very beginning that if I didn't know how Lissa was feeling then I wouldn't regret my decision of leaving her. But this was it. She missed me, how could I not turn back now?

I was about to turn around and face Adrian, when I felt a hand on my shoulder, and before anything else could happen, my eyes fluttered open only to realize that my face stung from all the unconcious tears that were running down my cheeks... and that I had fallen asleep on Nadya's couch.

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thanks to everyone of you that reviewed me, you guys are awesome :)  
I have exams coming up soon, so I'm not sure when the next chapter will be posted  
AHAHA btw to those of you who actually reviewed me with just a "hi." or "dkfhdkjg"... KUDOS! ahah


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